I think I am morally bankrupt
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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