Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
