This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
