He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
