We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
