My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
