Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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