she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
