i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
