So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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