i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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