I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
