If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
