If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
