I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
