as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
