Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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