Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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