gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
