She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
