My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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