East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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