A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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