mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
