I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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