Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My friends, they love my intelligence
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
