Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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