But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
