My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
