my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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