It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
