Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
