to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
