I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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