i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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