Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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