I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
