I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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