all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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