Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
