i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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