kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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