I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
