youre lurking in front of me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
