Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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