What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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