my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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