Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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