shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
