Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
